Yup, that’s right. While this blog has remained relatively quiet lately, if you’ve been following along on the facebook and the twitter (I like to say “THE facebook” and “THE twitter” just for the sake of drama), you know that a LOT has been happening. Most notably…
I’M IN A YOGA TEACHER TRAINING!
NO, IT IS NOT FOR BIKRAM!
It IS for hot yoga though! No, not that weird Bikram-esque hot yoga that’s just a rip off of the 26 and 2 done in a hot room without the dialogue and sometimes smooshed into 60 minutes (how?!). This is a 100 hour advanced training specifically for hot power vinyasa (you know, the kind of yoga where you do Down Dogs and Up Dogs and Yoga Pushups aka ‘Chaturangas’!). And you guys, I FREAKING LOVE IT.
As you may or may not know, I did my 200 hour vinyasa TT in fall of 2008, and taught pretty regularly for the two years immediately following. Then I took a bit of a hiatus. And spent lots of time, as they say, “doing the work”. By which I mean “getting my shit straightened out”.
LOTS of things happened. Particularly in the last year and a half.
I lost my vinyasa practice, I found a Bikram practice, I found a hot power vinyasa practice, I found some spirituality along the way, I hung out in the rainforest with a shaman, spent a week in the desert, swam with sea turtles, read a LOT of spiritual / new age / self-help texts and paid a LOT of attention to the phases of the moon, burned roughly two tons of sage, tried to understand Human Design (I’m a ‘Projector’?), danced a lot, and generally leapt out of my comfort zone and into a crazy new way of being where uncertainty became the norm and choosing the challenging option was the default.
It’s been pretty cool. And also really hard. I’ve learned a LOT. And grown in big ways. Which is, you know, THE POINT OF IT ALL, if you ask me.
Here I am, finally feeling ready to teach again. Ok, to be honest I don’t think I’ll ever feel REALLY ready, but let’s say I’m feeling ‘ready to explore the option’ at least.
I stumbled onto this training almost by accident…
I didn’t know either of the teachers leading it, and had really only heard of the studio and taken a couple of workshops there. But… I don’t know how to explain it… it just felt RIGHT. It was a totally feeling-based (definitely not reason-based!) decision that a year or two or three ago I would NEVER have made.
So I guess THAT’S progress right there, being able to trust my intuition and go with my gut feeling? Knowing that there are no mistakes and that the universe is constantly re-calibrating based on my choices and will present me with exactly the right thing at exactly the right time? Having faith in divine time and knowing ALL is in perfect order? Eh?
Point is, my intuition was right. This is the BEST thing I could ever have done. The teacher / mentors are AMAZING, the program is fantastic, and even though the looooong hours are killing me a little and making me sleep-deprived to the point where I cry for no reason, it’s all SO SO WORTH IT and I love it SO MUCH!
I’m being challenged in exactly the ways I need to be, pushed and supported where I need to be. I’ve found some awesome people who are not only great teachers but great PEOPLE (important!). And I’ve discovered that I really REALLY love teaching.
While I have a couple of years of teaching experience under my belt, I’m being pushed now to take it to the next level, to share more of myself, to bring not only knowledge but my own authentic voice to the table, errr.. hot room.
It’s a bit of an internal street fight. As Brene Brown said: “Vulnerability pushed and I pushed back!” (SO much pushing!!!) But I’m working at it! And if nothing else, I’m growing. Little bits, all the time! And for that alone, this was the BEST thing I ever could have done!
The training is about halfway through. We have two weeks to go. How will it all turn out? WHO KNOWS. But I will leave you with this… which I learned through little over a year of HARD HARD inner work:
We are not here to be perfect. We are not here to achieve. We are here, in these human bodies, merely to have experiences. We’re here to make huge, horrible, beautiful messes. And we’re here to FEEL. To feel EVERYTHING: joy, happiness, sorrow, pain, fear, loathing, ecstasy, anger, and everything in between, in the most human way possible. Because to be able to feel so much lets us know we’re alive. And what an amazing GIFT that is!