During Half Moon…
Teacher: “Dina! DINA YOU’RE NOT WORKING! Push, Dina! Come down and push, push, pushhhhhh, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH, PUUUSSSSHHHH!!! And change…
Dina! Daddy had to get a little firm with you there, didn’t he?
(silence)
(beat)
Ok, that was creepy.”
Creepy, yet debilitatingly hilarious! I couldn’t stop grinning for about two postures after :)
TODAY’S HEALING FOOOOOODZ!!!
Liter of green juice (spinach, kale, cabbage, cucumber, apple, pear!), 16oz of carrot / apple / ginger juice (delicious and sweet!), pineapple (anti-inflammatory!), apple (from the fruit basket my parents sent; pretty sure it has healing karma!), emergen-c packet (the bubbles are fun!), maple almond butter (so delicious it’s stupid!).
Not pictured: the double(!) wheatgrass shot I already had, lemon cayenne hot water from early this morning, and the half sweet potato I’ll probably eat around lunchtime. Dinner TBA.
HEY, this virus is NOT messing around with me, so I am NOT messing around with it! Hippocrates said it best: “Let food be thy medicine.”
HAPPY TUESDAY—EAT YOUR GREENS & LET’S HEAL OURSELVES!!!
Being sick has given me a chance to catch up on some all-important tv watching. Here’s a fave moment from a recent ‘Parks And Recreation’…
Ann Perkins: Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?
Ron Swanson: I have an uncle who does yoga.
Maybe it was the drugs, but I laughed for about 10 minutes. I <3 Ron Swanson!
Sigh.
YOU GUYS. It has been a crazy, weird, wildly surreal few days over here. Remember my last post? Where I was all ‘Ommigod my flu is gone and I’m out of bed and doing stuff again and it feels so GOOD and so RIGHT and OMMIGOD I AM SOOO HAPPPPYYYYY LA LA LA BRAIN EXPLOSION!!!”
Well. I may have been a HAIR premature in the celebration department. Seems there was a LOT more going on in my body than I was aware of… Let me take you back…
(fairy dust, fairy dust, fairy dust…)
So while I was sick with this weird stomach flu-y thing last week, in addition to normal flu symptoms—you know, the good ol’ upset stomach, diarrhea, nauseousness, achy joints, fully exhasticatedness—I had a few more… well, unusual symptoms. Like headaches. Bad ones. And shooting pain up the left side of my head. Pain in my left jawbone. And pain in my left ear. These were all intermittent, so I didn’t think a lot about any of them. Just weird flu stuff! I mean, who understands the flu anyway?!?! VIRUSES! Ammiright guys?!?!
The achy-ness went away, as did the exhaustion, as did the stomach upset, at which point I was all HURRAH, I’M CURED! Except that the weird jaw-ear-shooting head pain never left. In fact, it got worse. I consulted with Dr. Boss (NOT his name, but he is a doctor—albeit a dentist—and my boss) at work on Thursday, and he said it was probably just a virus remnant working its way out. Ok, I’ll buy that.
But then Thursday night I noticed two tiny lumps near my left ear that hurt when touched. The jaw pain was constant by this time, no longer just a once in a while thing. And the shooting head pains were a regular occurrence. Ok, now I was worried…
And of course, where do you turn with a medical question at 11pm on a Thursday night?!? OBVIOUSLY, you go to WebMD and begin spinning the symptom-dial in a SUPERFUN game we call Self-Diagnosis!!! By 11:30 I was convinced I had an infection of my salivary glands. By 11:45 I was convinced I had cycsts. By midnight I was CERTAIN I had the most malignant form of salivary gland cancer imaginable. And by 12:30 I was making out my will.
YOU GUYS. This is lesson number one on why you should NEVER self-diagnose!!! I mean, unless you need motivation to make out your will.
ANYWAY.
Cut to Friday morning. I wake up, pop in to a work meeting, mention my weird jaw lumps which Dr. Boss assures me are just little cysts and I should ignore them, then leave and head to Bikram. I’m in the locker room getting ready and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and HOLY SHITBALLS, WHAT’S THAT?!?!?!?
That THING! Up at the left corner of my forehead! It’s a red welt about the size of a quarter!
Now I live in New York City. Greatest place on earth, and also bedbug capital of the universe. So obviously I’m like OH SHIT. It’s a bug bite. On top of EVERYTHING else, now I have FREAKIN’ BEDBUGS!!!
I try not to freak out during class. My jaw hurts. The stabby head pain hurts. Even this stupid bedbug bite HURTS. Actually, it BURNS! Seriously, WTF is going on with my body…
(Ok time out. Bonus points awarded to anyone who can make a diagnosis at this point! Any takers? Eh? Eh?!?!)
I go home. Smear anti-inflammatory cream ALL over the giant bug bite, though as I look at it, it doesn’t REALLY look like a bite, more like a collection of tiny tiny blisters… WEIRD. WHATEVER. Smear smear smear, I take a Benadryl, I go to bed (after inspecting for bedbugs, obv).
Saturday. I wake up to throbbing jaw. Burning forehead bug bite… that has now grown to include my eyebrow… and a spot on the TOP OF MY HEAD. Like, UNDER MY HAIR. What bedbug is crawling UNDER MY HAIR for god’s sake?!
Ok, shit has gotten too weird at this point. I forgo ALL yoga classes planned for the day, and head over to urgent care. It’s probably time to see a doctor that’s NOT a dentist, ya know? I’m seen right away by a little Indian doctor who’s probably all of about 19 years old. I explain the symptoms, at which point he tries to tell me I have TMJ from grinding my teeth at night.
DUDE. I don’t know much, but I KNOW this ain’t TMJ!
“When’s the last time you saw a dentist?” he asks. Ohhhh the irony.
“OH, I see a dentist EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE,” I reply, not exaggerating. Come ON, I work with dentists!
So just as he’s about to tell me that the jaw pain is just a remnant of virus working its way out, and I should just take a few advil every eight hours, and I’m JUST about to jump out of my SKIN because at this point I want a DIAGNOSIS, DAMMIT!, he glances up…
“What’s that on your forehead?” he asks. I hadn’t had a chance to explain it yet, since I’d been too busy defending the fact that I do NOT have a night grinding habit.
He goes on right away without waiting for an answer, and in the most matter-of-fact tone of voice says:
“That’s shingles!”
BINGO. Who had shingles in the pool? You win it all!!!
GREAT! A diagnosis! At least now we’re getting somewhere! Even if where we’re getting is a totally unsavory locale…
SO. If you don’t know (because I didn’t yesterday!). Shingles is a mutation of the chicken pox virus. Once you’ve had chicken pox, which most of us had in our younger days, the virus never really goes away. It hides out in your spinal fluid and lays dormant, but can be re-awakened by any combination of: another virus, stress, not enough rest, a weakened immune system, certain drugs. And when it’s re-awakened, it travels up THROUGH YOUR NERVE ENDINGS (eeeuuwwwww) causing ridiculous pain along the way, and turns into a weird creepy blistery rash that hurts a lot. FUN TIMES.
So it would seem that whatever stomach virus I had earlier in the week re-activated the chicken pox virus in me and my weakened immune system allowed the virus access to my tri-geminal nerve (the one on the side of the face/jaw) where it laid down roots and was now making blisters out my forehead. UGH SO GROSS YOU GUYS.
The prognosis is good in the long term. I caught it early. I’m on anti-viral drugs. I’m not contagious. I can go about my daily life. I just need to get enough rest and not let myself get stressed. Honestly I don’t know HOW IN HELLS BELLS to do either of those things, but I’m going to try.
And here’s the real dilemma: I don’t know how to take care of myself. Really. I am BAD at it! I mean, clearly, or I wouldn’t be here. I sleep MAYBE 4-5 hours a night. I eat anything I can shove in my mouth with one hand while standing up waiting for the subway. I work full time. I take a billion yoga and dance classes just because I freaking LOVE it. I’m always reading something or researching something or writing something. I’m always going, seeing, working, DOING. I’m a DOER! Or so I like to think… The problem is, my balance of DOING and BEING is way out of whack. I’ve known it. But… it’s hard to change… especially when you want a LOT out of life.
So perhaps I have this nasty-wasty virus that can take anywhere from 2-5 weeks to heal, so that I can learn to rest. To take better care. To BE and not just DO.
My brilliant teacher Elena says that we all choose our challenges, and our struggles. She says we choose them before we get here, and choose the ones we do because those are the lessons we need to learn, and we need to learn these lessons so we can teach others. I believe that’s true. Or I at least see a lot of beauty in it, which makes me want to believe it.
So somewhere deep down, I suppose I chose this disease, because I NEED to learn to care for myself. I mean, I’m a yoga teacher by trade. Not teaching much right now, but I want to be. In fact, I devoted 2013 as my Year Of Self-Realization (whoaaaa topic for another post!), during which I would learn about and get clear with myself, my issues, and my past in preparation to teach again. Well. This is going to be a hell of a way to do it… I HAVE to learn to care for myself—and I have to learn it REALLY WELL—if I ever hope to have ANY business teaching others how to care for themselves.
And so, here I am. Trying to figure out what to do to take care of me, and trying to be ok with that. With BEING and not always DOING. Honestly, I don’t know how this is going to go… but I have to get well.
I’ve heard that all writers write the book they need to read. Elena wrote a gorgeous yoga book called, “The Art Of Attention.”
Well, my book would be called “The Art Of Self Care.” And it begins now. It has to. And it will be born of my own experience, because it has to be that too. And hopefully, in the end, I learn the lessons I need to know, and integrate them into my life and my self, and can pass them on with the authority that only personal experience can bring. And maybe that’s what was meant to happen.
Or maybe I’m just waaaaay dramatizing this situation I mean it’s a VIRUS you guys, EEEEUUUWWW!
But maybe I’m not… Maybe it was, in a weird way, a gift, a teacher… Or maybe it can be, if I let it…
In either case, stay with me. Wherever we end up, it’s going to be an INTERESTING trip.
So last night I took my first yoga class in three days.
Whaaaaat?! Three days?!?! But whyyyyyy Alison?!?! You normally go EVERY DAY!!!!
Totally true. I normally practice every day, some type of yoga, without exception. Because I need it for my health, well-being, and sanity. I know that about myself and as such, I make it a priority! So then WHY have I missed three days in a row? Well…
…BECAUSE I’VE HAD THE FLU.
Ohhhh you guys, it has NOT been pretty. I’ll spare you the details. Just know that I SURVIVED and I hope to NEVER spend that much uninterrupted time in my bed EVER AGAIN. Seriously, it was brutal! I was actually SORE from laying in bed! Did you even KNOW that that’s a thing you can be?! My Mom did…
“They’re called bedsores, Alison.”
“Moommmmmmm, I’M ONLY 33!!!”
ANYWAY.
I realize there are people suffering FAR greater tragedies and more inhumane misery than I, and my confinement to the space between my sheets for the past several days is really NOT the worst thing in the world ever and I should be GRATEFUL that things aren’t worse, and you guys I SO TOTALLY AM. But still. When you’re used to moving a lot every day, being forced to NOT move is NOT FUN.
So yesterday I was finally feeling non-deathly enough to put on clothes and leave my apartment(!) for work, and after work, I was feeling tired but STILL non-deathly enough to (gasp) go to YOGA! Bikram to be exact.
And so I did. THREE BLOODY HOURS OF IT.
That’s right, post-flu, I came out of the gates screaming like a wild animal and did a back-to-back double, right away! And you guys, IT FELT SO FREAKING GOOD.
Ironic in a way. Since I’ve been exploring so many other types of yoga lately, Bikram had started to seem… Dull. Boring. Overrated. Unnecessary. It wasn’t as flashy as Vinyasa, as esoteric as Kundalini, as energetic-spiritual as Anusara/Hatha. And I was starting to see it as a bit of a chore.
But coming back from this flu-y thing, feeling exhausted and weak and sick to my stomach but still dying—DYING!!—to move, Bikram was really ALL I could fathom my body doing! I mean really, you hardly move at all. You basically remain stationary for 90 minutes and sweat like an animal as your heart beats out of your chest and your whole system detoxes from the inside out. Seems illogical, but somehow… it works!
And last night, WHOA, it REALLY worked for me. It felt SO GOOD to sweat. And move. And breathe. After the first class, I wanted more! And the second class was hotter, steamier, and felt even BETTER than the first! No more boredom, no more OHHHH BUT BIKRAM IS SO DULL LET’S GET DO SOME HANDSTANDS AND MAKE THIS SHIZZ FOR REAL! Nope. It just felt GOOD. And it made me appreciate this form of yoga so much. I know not everyone approves of it, and it doesn’t ‘work’ for everyone’s body, but HOT DAMN, it really does for mine! And THIS was a great reminder!
So guys. My message for today: BE GRATEFUL.
For yoga. For your body. For your practice and everything it consists of. Know that every aspect of the practice you cultivate for yourself holds a purpose, whether for your body, brain, spirit, soul, consciousness, or a combination of all of those, and APPRECIATE it.
And be SO SO GRATEFUL that you have this body. That it’s healthy. That it can MOVE. And BREATHE. And FEEL, TASTE, TOUCH, HEAR, SPEAK, EXPERIENCE, and LOVE.
And be grateful for the gift of movement itself. You have no idea how lucky you are that you can even show up to your mat! Forget doing the pose perfectly; be happy that you can DO. It’s really the most remarkable, mystical, awesome aspect of our existence, to experience the joy that comes with moving our bodies through space.
Movement is MAGIC. It is TRANSFORMATIVE. It is our GREATEST TEACHER. And as Ido Portal says, “You either use it, or you lose it… And it is gonna be a BAD DAY when you lose it.”
Don’t ever have that bad day, friends. EVER!
Ok, yes yes, I KNOW I said I was going to post every day of this challenge but well, things got a little busy. By which I mean a LOT busy. I’m talking four-or-fewer-hours-of-sleep-per-night-CRAZY BUSY. And since I value my sanity (somewhat), when presented with the choice of ‘Blog for 30 minutes’ or ‘Get 30 more minutes of glorious glorious SLEEP!’, I opted for the latter.
Sorry guys, sometimes your health and mental well-being HAS to take precedence! You know… SOMETIMES.
Scheduling be damned, I’m sure you’ll be glad (though not particularly surprised) to hear that despite my radio silence, YES, I’ve STILL managed to get to yoga every day! WOOHOOOO!!!
Again, it’s about health and mental well-being taking precedence!
A LOT has happened in my practice in the last 30ish days. Internally, externally, emotionally, things are shifting bit by bit every day. It’s confusing, exciting, and absolutely awesome, and has given me a new appreciation for JUST HOW MUCH is available to us in the realm of Yoga!
I really SHOULD have been writing every day, because I don’t know now how I can ever catch up with everything, but I’ll try to hit a few highlights…
HIGHLIGHT #1: I went to Kripalu! For those who don’t know, Kripalu is a yoga retreat center in the Berkshire mountains of Massachusetts. Many famous and not so famous teachers host programs there, and hundreds of yogis from across the country may be there to stay on the grounds, participate in the programs, do some yoga, attain enlightenment (or at least get a little closer) at any given time. I would liken it to Hogwarts, but for yoga. I went the fourth weekend of March for Elena Brower’s three-day retreat, “The Art Of Attention” and you guys, it was nothing short of LIFE CHANGING!!! This one bears an entire post (perhaps several) of its own, so I’ll leave it for now, but just know that Elena is AWESOME and you should take class with her anytime you possibly can (she teaches in NYC). And if it’s NOT possible, you should go to youtube and watch ALL (I repeat ALL) of her lectures, video clips, interviews. Start with this one, which was the one I started with. You will be MAD inspired not just to do some yoga but to CHANGE YOUR WHOLE FREAKING LIFE!
Intense, right? MUCH MORE on all of this later… TO BE CONTINUED!
HIGHLIGHT #2: The Yoga Journal Conference! Now I don’t participate in the conference in the traditional sense of buying a pass and taking all the classes/lectures. Because it costs approximately $293,856,901,980,586.99. And you guys, I DO NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF MONIES. But lucky for the occasionally financially challenged individual such as myself, there are LOTS of free and lower cost things associated with the conference too. So I went to the free class in the market place on Saturday, made some new friends, saw old friends, visited the vendors, bought cute new yoga clothes, ate lots of gluten free cookies, got a henna tattoo, and took the yoga-class-slash-dance-party “Get Your Dance On” on Friday night. All in all, a FUN weekend. And reminded me that yoga people really are the BEST people on EARTH! YEAH!
HIGHLIGHT #3: Kundalini! Ohhhhh man you guys, I’ve started Kundalini in earnest! It is crazy hard fun times! Kundalini is a style of yoga where you don’t really do POSES per se, you do KRIYAS. A Kriya is a motion, repeated over and over, sometimes also with a breathing technique and/or sound/chant, for a given period of time (3 minutes, 7 minutes, 11 minutes, etc.). Sounds not so tough, right? But… it is! Try waving your arms in the air above your head… easy right? NOW DO IT FOR 11 STRAIGHT MINUTES. Yeah. Things start to happen internally when you move in these ways… it’s AMAZING! You really feel your energy start to shift and blockages start to clear! More on this to come too… I’ve only just scratched the surface!
HIGHLIGHT #4: Bikram! Oh yeah, I’m still doing THAT old thing too! My Bikram practice hasn’t changed much externally, but due to all my other explorations in the yoga universe, I’ve been thinking ALL different things about it, so it has changed MASSIVELY on the inside.
EXAMPLE!
I used to think: How can push, force, and muscle my body into submission so I can make this pose perfect?
And now I think: How can I use my breath to make more space in my body? How can I use this pose to strengthen my heart to be able to dissolve negativity? Where can I soften my body to become more receptive in my mind? How can I release judgment? Feel more collaborative? Become more connected?
WHAT?! I know. This is a far cry from the “Come down and push, Push, PUSH!!!” that I used to think during class! And it continues to be a SUPER interesting exploration of new ways to integrate the movement with my subtle body, to achieve a better balance of energy. VERY COOL STUFF!!!
More to come on ALL of this you guys, and there’s even MORE than THAT if you can believe it! But I’ll leave you with this for now…
I want to encourage you—ALL of you!—if you only do one style of yoga or only practice with one teacher, to get out there in the world and EXPLORE! There’s so much to learn, so much to discover, and NONE of it is contradictory to any of the rest! Learning something new in one area of yoga will only enhance your experience of what you already know and practice in another! It’s all about developing your understanding and creating your OWN practice that fully serves and supports YOU, your life, and your goals! The beauty of yoga is that there are as many ways to practice as there are people, and YAY for THAT!
If you have any questions or want to chat more, my ‘Ask Box’ is always open! Hope you’re all happy, well, and getting the MOST out of your practice AND your life!
More to come… Soon… :)
*And if you’re wondering, it is currently Day 26 on the challenge.
Tuesday, March 19, 5:30 & 8pm.
WHAT the—OH yes, that’s right guys: I doubled it up today!
Actually it’s not that big a deal, I do it all the time, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Bikram at 5:30, and Hot Power Vinyasa at 8. Lest you think I’m a MANIAC, let me ‘splain. The two styles actually complement each other perfectly. Bikram is all about alignment, Vinyasa is all about range of motion (well, and alignment too). So I warm up and get aligned in Bikram so I can work through my muscular system and FLOW in Vinyasa. My body LOVES this process. It finds it DELICIOUS like a dark chocolate bar. One of those Lindt ones. ‘With sea salt…
YESSSSSSS.
Anyway, both classes were fabzzz (teenage girl speak for ‘fabulous’) and JUST what I needed.
Bikram: class was subbed out. OH HEAVENS! But no it was actually a cool thing, because the sub was a teacher I don’t get to take with often, and I like her. She has lots to say but isn’t overbearing. She picks and chooses her moments, and teaches with a sense of ease that’s refreshing. At least to me!
Something that stuck out in an awesome way was that she was TOTALLY silent during all the Savasanas in the floor series. So many teachers, in NYC anyway, have THINGS to say during those quiet moments. Announcements, tips for the posture coming up, corrections for the posture that just was… But I actually prefer the silence, in some ways. It lets you really FULLY relax, and allows your body to absorb the work you just did in the posture, really feeling the ‘sense of completion,’ as one of my teachers calls it. And today, I actually FELT it. And it felt… GOOD. Really good. Most restful Bikram Savasanas I’ve ever had, I think! All just from the teacher being silent!
As Manorama (my meditation teacher/spiritual guide/Sanskrit scholar/all around COOL person to hang with) says, sometimes teaching isn’t about knowing WHAT to say, it’s about knowing WHAT NOT to say. BRILLZ (teenage girl speak for ‘brilliant’).
Hot Power Vinyasa: This one was completely different, but still totally ahmaaaaaaz (teen girl for ‘amazing’). This class can vary a bit in pace and intensity, but the request this evening was for ‘fast flow’. Which was EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TOO! Am I in my Vortex or WHAT, you guys!? So yeah, it was fast, it was flowy, the music was loud, the lights were dim, just how I like it! Vinyasa really is the chocolate cake of yoga. Again, no huge physical breakthroughs, but a good solidly sweaty class. DELIGHTS!
And Here’s What We Learned Today…: Sometimes it’s not what the teacher says, but what she DOESN’T say that makes the biggest difference. Also, I’m too old to be using teenage girl speak. My bad, guys!
Monday, March 18, 6:30pm
So this class was a bit of a disappointment. Well, I suppose that’s a little harsh. It was a bit of a letdown. And really, it was probably only even that because I had SO overhyped it and built it up in my head. It was a Vinyasa class—
Wait, WHAT?! Alison, you do VINYASA?!?
Yeah guys! I totally do! And I LOVE it! Vinyasa was actually my first introduction to yoga, and I’ve been doing it for six years, maybe seven? Time flies… It’s different from Bikram, obviously. You move a lot more. And there’s music. And incense. And fun lighting. And about a billion more poses, including inversions and all kinds of crazy yoga party tricks where you contort on your hands…
Fun, no? TOTALLY FUN. Basically, Bikram is like eating a big plate of kale. Vinyasa is like eating a pizza. YUMMM!
ANYWAY.
Another way Vinyasa is different from Bikram is that the class itself is always different. The teacher invents their own sequences, and teaches the poses in their own way. So your experience from one class/teacher to another can vary GREATLY. Your enjoyment of the class as a student depends a lot on the teacher and how well you vibe with them, and how their style of sequencing and teaching matches what your body wants and needs. It’s SUPER interesting.
I’m always looking for new teachers and studios, and this one came highly recommended. I was told the class was intense and sweaty, that it would be packed, and that everyone in the room would be able to pike into a handstand. WELL. THAT certainly sounded impressive! Obviously I would have to check this out…
So finally, Monday was my day. Yes, the class was crowded. Yes, the teacher had a lot of information to share. Yes, most of the room (at least the first 2-3 rows) could pike very gracefully into the lightest of handstands, however…. the class was ANYTHING BUT intense and sweaty. If I had to qualify it, I would say it was ‘sleepytime yoga’: gently, soothing, simple. Nothing wrong with that of course! Just… not what I was looking for.
As for all those handstanding girls and guys in front, I’m not sure where they’re learning that stuff—I suspect they’re all doing Ashtanga in the mornings—but it is NOT in this class. Bummer.
Still, even though the workout aspect was negligible (I know you guys, YOGA IS NOT A WORKOUT! But come on, my body likes to WORK!), I still had some lovely restorative opening and a blissful Savasana. Which is really perhaps the more important aspect of yoga: the energetic opening and sense of emotional calm and alignment it brings. But even so, energetically aligned or not, I still had the yearning to hit the gym afterward!
And Here’s What We’ve Learned Today…: You can’t always trust other people’s interpretation of “intense” and “sweaty” when it comes to yoga! And while yoga is CERTAINLY more than just a cardio fitness class, and sometimes the energetic gains outweigh the physical ones… still, go home and do your crunches ;)
That’s right, I’m officially recapping a class! I know, it’s been a minute since I’ve done THAT! But seeing that it’s a new 30 Day Challenge, I think it’s a good time to re-start! So I’ll be attempting to write—no, I WILL BE WRITING a post every day during the challenge, so you can follow along with me. OHHHH LUCKY YOU!!! So here we go, Day 1 (which was actually Sunday. HEY, I’m not perfect!). Enjoy!
Sunday, March 17, 2pm.
Let me begin by saying that this was not my best class ever. It was also not my worst, but it was NOT my best. In my defense, I was sore from dancing like a maniac at a 5 Rhythms event (read: a dance party for new age people) the night before, and tired from going to a pre-St. Patrick’s Day party in Brooklyn afterward… until 3am. And thanks to the AMAZING NYC subway system, which after midnight runs about as well as a one-legged monkey on child’s crutches, I didn’t get home until after 4am, and didn’t get to BED until nearly 5am.
You guys. I am too old for this.
So going into class on Sunday I was a little sleepy, little groggy, little sore, little “Ommigod WHY do I have to do this I don’t WANT to I’m so BORED this is so BORING when will this be OVER I am SO ANNOYED AND JUST DON’T WANT TO BE HERE UGGGGHHHH WHYYYY MY LIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!!”
Perhaps you can relate.
Still, I tried to make the best. My postures weren’t great. But I tried to smile. I tried to be grateful. I tried to focus on positive thoughts… Perfect handstands! Avocado cucumber rolls! Cute internet videos of kittens falling asleep! Anything I could think of to keep my mind from going in the direction of the Dark Place (shudder).
It worked. Sort of. ANYWAY.
As I was distracting myself with pleasant thoughts of cute animals and yummy sushi, the teacher said something that managed to puncture my tidy little thought bubble. We were in Standing Head To Knee. Or, TRYING to be in Standing Head To Knee.
“Concentrate on your knee in the mirror!” she said, “Don’t pay attention to other peoples’ knees! Concentrate on YOUR knee!”
Ohhhhhh you GUYS. I spend so much time paying attention to other peoples’ knees. SO much time! Ok, I mean not LITERALLY. In a Bikram class I could scarcely be bothered to look at the person next to me and probably wouldn’t notice if they dropped dead. Sorry, I’m just focused that way. But in life?! Hahahahahah NOPE. ALL I think about is other peoples’ knees! Or rather, their talents, strengths, gifts, privileges, and all manner of advantages they might have—whether earned through hard work or gifted to them by fate, genetics, or the universe—that I am LACKING.
This is a problem. It has been pretty much forever. I compare myself to others CONSTANTLY and always mind myself lacking. Thus, I’m hyper-competitive and seldom happy with myself or anyone else.
I’m painting a sad picture here, aren’t I? Well, for your comfort, it’s been getting better. I’m less competitive than I was a year ago, and MUCH less competitive than I was ten years ago! And I do believe the yoga had something to do with that. Just the fact that we go into the room every day and do the same exact thing—every day!—is helpful. Because hey, if I’m not perfect at something today, THERE’S ALWAYS TOMORROW! Guaranteed I’ll get another shot at it! So in a way, the pressure of time is removed.
Sure, I still get a little envious of a perfect locked out Standing Bow here and there, but not to the point where I would have to cold-shoulder the girl later in the locker room and ‘accidentally’ bump into her and knock her full-of-water water bottle on the ground… NOT THAT I WOULD EVER DO THAT. NO. But you get what I mean.
Yoga has taught me to focus more on my OWN knee (literal)… in class anyway. And as for LIFE, when I find my gaze wandering longingly, competitively, enviously, in the direction of someone else’s knee (figurative—and it OFTEN does, believe me), I try to remember this. It definitely hasn’t been an overnight thing, but just like my Standing Head To Knee, it’s improving slowly… over time.
And Here’s What We Learned Today… : Focus on your own damn knee! Thoughts of cute animals won’t save you in class. And don’t stay out in Brooklyn too late on the weekends.
Hey guys! Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Wishing you all a lovely day of green juice, green beer, green bagels, and all other manner of festive novelty green foods!
But the real reason for this post is to let you know that the 30 Day Challenge starts today! And that it’s NOT too late for you to get onboard! Shoot me an email at iapnap30days@gmail.com to sign on. You do yoga every day for 30 days, I send you positive inspiring emails, we all chat on an internet forum set up just for this event, and at the end of 30 days we’re ALL TRANSFORMED!
Sound fun?! Get on board! Email me anytime before Tuesday and I’ll add you to the list! And remember that today is the first day, so make sure to get that yoga in, preferably BEFORE you start celebrating the holiday…
Happy Day 1, and NAMASTE!
A YOGA BLOG.
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