Mailbag: The Mental Side Of Injury.

Hey there!

So sorry to hear about your injury. As you know, I can fully—and I mean FULLY—empathize!

I think for most of us the toughest part of being injured isn’t the physical pain (although that can get pretty nasty too), it’s the fact that we’re being held captive by a malfunction in our bodies that renders us incapable of doing something we want to do. In other words, it’s mental.

Being injured is something we have no control over. And now instead of making our bodies work for us, we have to work for them. If you’re like me, this realization makes you feel weak, helpless, irritated, depressed, and a legion of other negative dark ‘n’ stormy emotions. Though I hate to admit it, I’ve been to some pretty dark emotional places these past few weeks, and my injury wasn’t even that bad compared to what many people deal with.

As with all things, however, it’s been a learning experience. So here are a few tips, based on my experience, on how to MENTALLY deal with a PHYSICAL injury. All learned (or, semi-learned anyway) the hard way.

Make taking care of yourself your number one priority! I mean, our health should ALWAYS be our number one priority, right? It’s just that sometimes we get busy… or we get lazy… or we get to thinking we’re invincible and nothing bad will every happen to us… or whatever. It’s only when something goes wrong that we remember OH YEAH, our bodies are extremely delicate instruments that need constant nurturing and care.

Face it guys, if you’re body was a car you’d never buy it; the maintenance is too high. And if you DON’T do the maintenance, well, things go wrong. So use this time to REALLY take care of yourself and do everything you can to allow your body to HEAL. Healthy eating, massage, epsom salt baths, foam rolling, resting, sleeping, all those things you KNOW are good for you, this is the time to do them! Make it your JOB.

I guess this isn’t really a mental thing, technically. But it will help occupy your time and your mind while you heal, and puts a positive spin on the experience. WOW! You have this GREAT opportunity to be good to YOU! Enjoy it!

Don’t be so hard on yourself! Your injury may require that you modify your practice slightly. You may need to take it easy in some postures, and omit others entirely. You may even need to take a (GASP!) rest day. If you’re like me, this makes you EXTREMELY antsy. I’m used to pushing myself hard. I’m used to my body looking and feeling a certain way as a result. And I’m conditioned to think I’m “being lazy” or “slacking off” if I slip up. Really though, backing off your normal routine to heal your injury isn’t being lazy. Honestly, it’s being SMART. This is the time for taking care of yourself (see above). This may NOT be the time for you to work on that six pack or lock out your Standing Bow. It’s ok. There will be PLENTY of time for that after you heal yourself. For now, allow your body to do what it needs to do!

Aside: This has been the HARDEST thing for me. I would like my abs back now, please!

Know that it’s ok to mope. What?! Did you think I was going to tell you to be all sunshine and lollipops about the whole injury thing?

Fat chance!

Being injured will probably bring up a TON of emotions for you. And they will probably be mostly negative. Some people will tell you to suppress these feelings, ignore them, let them go, etc. I don’t buy that. I think that in order to let something go, you HAVE to allow yourself to really feel it first. To ignore the way you feel about something invalidates what you’re going through. So let yourself be sad, if you’re feeling sad. One of the peculiar gifts of this experience is that it will let you know how much you’re capable of feeling, and that may surprise you. And even though the emotions you feel may be “negative”, the ability to feel them just lets you know how ALIVE you are. So feel everything, but don’t let it define you.

Know that your body is changing every day. Being injured sucks, but it’s not forever! Your body is changing with every moment and every breath—REALLY! And as much as things suck now, when you see your body start to heal and become stronger, it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. Nothing makes you appreciate health like an injury! It may take time, but you WILL recover, and probably be even stronger for it!

Did that help? Eh? Maybe a little? I know, NOTHING really helps when you’re injured. But at least you know there are others out there (like me!) who understand how you feel!

Thanks for sharing your story—and thanks to ALL of you who have written, messaged, and sent your thoughts and support! You are ALL my favorite person!

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES! And Namaste!

xo,

a

“Walking Wounded Carry Stretcher Cases!”

I don’t really know what this phrase means, exactly, but it’s a line from “Noises Off”, a delightful sex farce of a play I was in in High School.

I played the Carol Burnett role. OBVIOUSLY.

Anyway, I think of this line every time I’m sick or injured but have to go on doing my normal life, job, activities, etc., anyway. Which means, with my recent back injury and constant stubbornness, I’ve been thinking it a LOT lately.

The good news? Things are looking up! I had a productive weekend of classes, and actually experienced the first few moments of Movement Without Pain that I’ve felt in a loooong time. HURRAH! Here’s the highlights of The Weekend With My Injury…

I figured out how to stretch it! And it was a total accident! I was doing headstands in my bedroom on Thursday night—you know, as you do—and I was coming out of the headstand, through Crow Pose —because, you know, why not?—and I rounded my back and brought my knees toward my armpits, and suddenly, HOLY SHITBALLS! I was floored by searing pain in my upper back, right in the injured/tight area! It felt crazy… almost like… well, almost like I had actually STRETCHED it for the first time in weeks. Which is exactly what I had done. So then I did it again. And again. And it totally hurt, as you might expect muscles to do when they’re woken from a very deep sleep of several weeks. But guess what? This little bit of stretching helped so much it was almost stupid! See guys? Happy accidents happen when you practice headstands at home!

I did a non-crappy Standing Bow! Now let’s be clear, it wasn’t an “amazing” Standing Bow. But it was almost back to my normal version of the posture, rather than the sad “I’m just going to stand here with my foot in my hand and wait for this thing to be over, HO HUM,” version that I had been doing! Even the teacher had to say, “Now THAT’S progress!” BOOOOOM!

I got back on the pole! I know this isn’t Bikram-related, but it’s still a super exciting step in my recovery process! I took an easy class on Friday, and a challenging class on Saturday. I took it easy, didn’t push myself too hard, and rested when I could. Afterward I came home and foam rolled and alternated hot/cold water in the shower and took a Glutamine supplement and did all the other tricks. And I’m pleased to announce I did NOT re-injure myself! This is good news, to be clear.

I inverted without pain! Another non-Bikram thing! But you guys, this was HUGE! Inverting was how I got this freaking pain in the back in the first place. To be able to flip myself upside down on the pole WITHOUT it hurting like a mother seemed like a miracle of Jeebus! Unfortunately, I was NOT able to do the big trick we learned that day, which looks like this:

Of course I was super annoyed with myself over it. Then I realized I should probably just be glad to be able to dance without collapsing to the floor with back spasms. You know, PERSPECTIVE and all. But to be honest, I’m still a bit annoyed. What can I say, I’m impatient! NOTE: this is why I get injured in the first place.

I did a double! Whaaat?! But Alison, aren’t you supposed to be taking it EASY?! You’re INJURED!!! Yeah yeah yeah. Let me ‘splain… The reason I had to do the double was two-fold: Fold #1: Two of my fave teachers were subbing classes on Saturday. I am a poor decision maker. Rather than decide which one to take, I decided to take both! Easy-peasy. Fold #2: I knew I was going to take a pole class that day, and to be responsible, I should warm up my body thoroughly first (with class #1) and then stretch and re-align it afterward (with class #2). See? Totally makes sense. So yeah ok, if you’re counting, I took two Bikram classes and a pole class all in one day. But hey, I lived! And I not only lived, but I felt better than I have in weeks! YEAH!

I did not just one, but ALL of the sit-ups on Saturday AND Sunday! And let me tell you, I’ve never been so excited to do a sit-up before in my LIFE. Oh. Hell. YES. Stretcher cases be damned, I am BACK, baby!

Stuff I’ve Learned From Being Injured.

So it’s funny, right? You can be practicing yoga for a really long time—I mean, like all of A YEAR AND A HALF! That’s really long, right?!—and you can totally be at the top of your game, killing it in Standing Head To Knee, nearly locking out in Standing Bow, rocking the shizznit out of your Pranayama breathing in a way that says to Bikram newbies “Hey check it out, I GOT THIS.” But sometimes, it’s not until you’re ill, injured, or otherwise incapacitated in a way that makes your normal-strong-hard-as-nails practice impossible that you actually LEARN stuff.

Injured people, you with me?

Injuries sooooo totally suck, but it’s true what they say: they DO in fact, teach you stuff. So here’s some of the STUFF I’ve learned while being a lame weakling just trying to make it through class without my body falling apart into a million little pieces of broken-ness and/or sobbing into my towel out of shame and self-pity ‘modifying’ in the back of the class these past few weeks.

1. Your water bottle makes an excellent substitute for a foam roller. Betcha didn’t know THAT, didja? Just take your water bottle—hopefully you have one of those liter sized fatties like I do…

—and turn it on its side, cover with your hand towel, and place in the center of your mat. Now lay on it and roll around. DELIGHTFUL!!! You can also stick it under your back, right along the bra strap (Sorry boys! Use your imaginations!), and lay on it with your arms above your head in the “I’m being held up at a 7-11!” position for a few minutes before/after class. This opens up your fourth chakra (and your presumably over-tight chest muscles, for you less new-agey people out there). I swear it will change your day, maybe even your WHOLE LIFE. I mean, who knows. TRY IT!

2. It’s true what they say about sit-ups. You know how they (and by ‘they’ I mean ‘the teachers’) say, in the floor series, “The sit-ups will give you energy!” and you’re all UMMM, NO BI-ATCH, THE SIT-UPS ARE JUST FREAKING ANNOYING AND THEY TIRE ME OUT, GRRRRR!!! ? Well, as it turns out, they aren’t BS-ing you. The sit-ups DO give you energy! Guess what DOESN’T give you energy? Flopping over to your side like a porpoise and lamely pushing yourself up to sit while your back muscles scream in agony like spoiled little brats. Nope. Doesn’t give you energy. Not at all. In fact, it kinda sucks the life out of you, if you ask me. So enjoy those sit-ups, you lucky ducks that are healthy enough to do ‘em. Relish every one!

3. The heat is your friend! It is not an obstacle! Ok, well sometimes it’s an obstacle. But when you’re injured it isn’t! “Alison, do you want your heater on?” the teacher asks. I nod enthusiastically! It’s 97 degrees outside. I’m the only one insane wise enough to be in the back row, in the “hot spot”, under the heater. Why? So my back doesn’t get chilled by an arctic blast from the door or window and go into a dramatic contemporary Mia Michaels-style dance of spastic knots. The rest of my body might hate the heat (Sorry, heart! I know you’re working extra hard right now!) but the truth is the hotness protects my sad achy muscles. YOU’RE WELCOME, MUSCLES. Now heal yourselves, already!

4. You never look as bad to other people as you THINK you look to yourself. Seriously guys. I’ve been in classes lately where I’ve cried, freaked out, skipped postures, barely done other postures, fidgeted, sighed, and MOUTH-BREATHED. And for the most part, NO ONE has even noticed. I’ve been panicked this whole time, thinking my teachers were going to be all What the FUCK is up with Alison she is a big hot mess right now I guess she’s not as strong as we thought hahaha how sad for her, how LAME! I have lost all my respect for her forever and ever AMEN. But the truth is, as many have told me later, they DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE a difference in my practice. One told me she actually FORGOT I was injured. Say whaaaaaaaa??? But… but but… I thought I was such a MESS! It was so OBVIOUS! Well, apparently only to me. To myself, I was a mess. But not to anyone else. Turns out, no one knows your practice as well as you do. Even your teachers. So chill the eff out and do what you need to do (WITHIN REASON, OBV). Most likely no one is noticing anyway.

5. This practice is about healing. Not about jacking your leg up as high as possible, or having an unspoken competition with the person next to you for who can hold what the longest, or trying to impress the teacher with your amazing feats of acrobatics.

Ummm… NO.

It’s about doing what you need to do to heal, fix, re-align and restore your own body. Pay more attention to your body, less attention to all the outside stuff. PRO TIP: This makes class go by faster too! And who doesn’t want class to go by faster? WE ALL WANT CLASS TO GO BY FASTER.

6. Any class you get through without having an emotional meltdown is a ‘good class’. Not just the classes where you achieve radical new heights in physical posturing! Though those are fun too. But ANY class you get through in one piece is beneficial, and thus, a GOOD CLASS.

7. In the end, the ‘emotional meltdown’ classes are good classes too. Sometimes ya just gotta get it out, ya know? These superfun stress meltdowns tend to happen more when you’re under more physical/emotional stress. And guess what an injury brings on? That’s right—physical and emotional stress, heyyyyy!!! So, welcome to Meltdown City. It sucks here! But funny enough, after your visit, you always feel better.

And maybe, in a weird sick and slightly twisted way, that’s the benefit of the injury. Some individuals who are far more new-agey than I might say that injury only manifests out of our unconscious anyway. That clearly we not only need physical healing, but something on the INSIDE (read: something mental/emotional/spiritual) needs to be healed as well. The injury pops up as as sort of cosmic speedbump (if you will) to force us to deal with the WHATEVER that’s going on inside us.

And MAYBE once we get that WHATEVER cleared out of the way, the injury will go away too. Maybe we shouldn’t be just foam rolling our damaged fascia, but foam rolling our SOULS! Maybe we need to be doing Asanas with our HEARTS not just our BODIES! Maybe instead of just icing down our weary strained muscles, we should be icing down our over-anxious MINDS!

Figuratively speaking.

Or maybe we all just need a bigger bottle of Advil. I don’t freakin’ know you guys, I’m just a comedian-turned pole dancer-turned blogger!

But here’s something I’m at least PRETTY sure of: This yoga is the best thing you can do for yourself. In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for injured and non-injured. Always always always. Yoga will make you a better person, in body mind and soul. Get in the hot room, people! You’ll ALWAYS get SOMETHING good out of it.

NAMASTE…

…And nama-STAY healthy! Bwahahhahahaahaaahhh! I told you I was a comedian. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Injured! Or, Where I’ve Been All This Time!

Hey guys! Soooooo if you’ve been following this thing for a while, you’ll notice I haven’t written anything lately.

If you haven’t been following for a while and just stumbled onto this site after googling “Bikram yoga” or “pole dancing” or “wildly sarcastic pasty pale Irish redheads”, WELCOME!

In either case, hey, I’m back. There are boatloads of reasons for my absence, but I won’t bore you with those. Except for this one: I’VE BEEN INJURED! YAAAAAAY!!!

Ok, it’s not YAAAAAY at all. It’s BOOOO. Big, fat, ugly BOOOOOOOOOOO!!! You guys, injuries suck. Now before you get all New York Times on me, I did NOT injure myself doing Bikram yoga. Nope. I injured myself… pole dancing!

No, you guys, I am not a stripper! While I happen to enjoy artistic discipline of contemporary pole dance, and the thrill of grinding on, spinning around, climbing up, sitting on, and prancing around a pole, I keep my clothes on while I do it, thanks muchly. I mean, except that one time my boob popped out during my freestyle, but that was an isolated incident and completely an accident which I blame on the stickyness of the pole combined with the faulty design of my super cute teeny tiny Lululemon bra! I DID NOT STRIP ON PURPOSE, IT WAS A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION.

HEYYYYYY, WELCOME NEW PEOPLE!!!

Anyway.

It all happened when learned a new trick called a “chopper”. Now the chopper is pretty important in a young pole dancer’s artistic development, as it’s the gateway trick to more advanced inversions. Because when you’ve been grinding right side up on a pole for a while, there comes a point when you want nothing more than to be able to grind upside down. OBVIOUSLY. So here’s how it works: you stand at the side of the pole, holding on with both hands. You pull yourself up with your arms, crunch your legs to your armpits and flip yourself upside down while shooting your legs out into the spread eagle position. So you look like a helicopter, GET IT?!?

CHOPPER!

As you may expect, this chopper thing isn’t easy. And when you finally get it for the first time, it’s a cause for celebration. Kind of like that first moment when you FINALLY get your forehead to your knee in Standing Head To Knee and balance there for a second before falling out. It’s a BIG DEAL!

So I had been working on my chopper for a few weeks with no success, and one day—lo and behold!—I finally did it. Well I was probably the most shocked person in the room. I couldn’t believe it. I was SURE it was a mistake, that I had faked it somehow! There was NO WAY I had actually done that trick! So I did it again. And again. Just to prove that I could, you know? To make sure it wasn’t a fluke? Well, I proceeded to chopper about 1203895986 times over the course of that weekend. BECAUSE I HAD TO MAKE SURE I COULD REALLY DO IT, YOU GUYS! And in the process, I strained/pulled/ripped/tore basically every muscle in my back.

Specifically, the rhomboids and latissimus dorsi for you anatomy nerds out there.

WHOOOOOAAAA you guys, THIS was pain! You don’t even realize how many things you use your back muscles for until they’re injured! This includes: reaching for things, picking things up, pushing things, pulling things, sneezing, coughing, pooping, and breathing.

Yes that’s right, it HURT TO BREATHE.

Which, as you may imagine, made Bikram EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT.

Now.

I hate being injured. I mean, no one LIKES being injured, right? But I REALLY hate it. I hate telling people about it, I hate appearing weak because of it, I hate all the extra attention it draws to me, I hate not being able to do things, and I hate asking for help. HATE.

So in my past, with the minor injuries I’ve incurred, I’ve never really told my yoga teachers. I just sort of struggled through on my own. I mean, it’s not THEIR job to know my body, right? That’s MY job! I should be able to take responsibility for my own practice! They have enough to deal with! They don’t need to be burdened by the information that one of my hamstrings might be SLIGHTLY sore and that I slept funny so my shoulder feels weird or that I stubbed a toe when I accidentally kicked the wall while playing hacky sack with an empty paper cup around the water cooler at the office!

Or whatever.

I mean really, WHO IS GOING TO CARE about any of that! I’d rather hide it than have to explain! Besides, I hate admitting weakness. And injury, in my mind, is a kind of weakness. At least when it happens to me.

With this injury though, there was no hiding it. I mean, this sucker HURT. There were poses that I had to REALLY hold back on (Standing Bow, Floor Bow, anything involving a forward bend or a back bend, aka EVERYTHING), and some I couldn’t do at all (the sit-ups). Also, I—who normally does NOT fidget or move around between poses—was forced to stop and stretch my ouchy back out between poses. And I didn’t want the teacher to be all What the hell is Alison DOING back there?!

So YEAH. It’s been a humbling few weeks, on many levels. Having to admit my injury and modify my practice. Having to see myself weak where I’m usually strong. Feeling strange and foreign in my body. It’s a bit of an identity crisis, really. When you identify yourself as a strong person and pride yourself on your strength and independence, what do you do when those things are suddenly taken away from you?

UGH.

And while the yoga is helping, and my back is improving, it’s been rough. Watching myself grow weaker every day I’m unable to fully practice. Watching through bleary eyes while my tummy gets softer and my hard-earned arm muscles start to fade away. I’ve been pretty down and in a pretty dark place about it, and it seems like I’ve still got a pretty long road ahead of me in the recovery department.

I know nothing is permanent and the body has a remarkable capacity to heal itself, and that one day my body will be back to normal and I’ll be getting strong again, but I’m impatient. And I don’t like feeling uncomfortable, physically or (especially) mentally.

I know that suffering is only in the mind. I actually spoke those words to a friend yesterday, feeling their pertinence like acupuncture pins in my spine. I know that by feeding these dark thoughts with my maelstrom of negative energy, I allow myself to suffer. I know that while I often think I, as a human being, DESERVE to feel successful, independent, and strong all the time, what I ACTUALLY deserve is to feel ok even when I’m none of these things.

I know every injury is here to teach us something, and I’m learning the hard lessons. It sucks, but I suppose it has to. Pema Chodron says:

“Let difficulty transform you. And it will. In my experience, we just need help in learning not to run away.”

And so THIS is my yoga these days, in the hot room and out. It’s much more tedious than any asana class, and harder than 10,000 Standing Bows. I’m not good at it. But that probably makes it more important. And I know I’ll be stronger—mentally and physically—in the end.

For now though, I’ll be the one in the back of the class, rolling to her side instead of doing the sit ups, barely hanging on to her foot in Standing Bow, gritting her teeth, buckling down, and just trying not to run away, every day.

Update & Highlights!

Hey guys! It’s been a minute, I know. But now that mercury is out of retrograde and I’m able to string together a sentence again without busting a blood vessel (hey, I’m a Gemini! Mercury retrograde affects us a lot! Google it!), I’m back, and I have SO MUCH TO SAY! So get ready for a whirlwind, whiplash-inducing tour of The Highlights from the past few weeks, everything from mundane to momentous, both cute and brutal! Enjoy.

THE HIGHLIGHTS!

Let’s start with a simple one…

I got the weirdest correction ever! It happened in a class last week. We were doing Eagle. It went like this…

Teacher: Alison, you’ve got a little forward bend… Just so you know…

Huh? My face wrinkled up and I had to stifle a giggle. “Just so I know?” How… umm… polite? I guess? And weird! Usually when teachers correct me it’s in a tone more reminiscent of “Git ‘r dun and do it now, bi-atch!” rather than “Just so you know…”. I mean, the “just so you know” tone doesn’t usually indicate a command, or even a suggestion! It’s the way you would talk about the weather!

“Oh hey, I heard it’s going to rain today, JUST SO YOU KNOW…”

Regardless, I am working on eliminating my little forward bend in Eagle. Just so YOU know.

Maddie hair! Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last two seasons, you are probably at least vaguely familiar with the amazeballs reality television phenomenon known as “Dance Moms”. If you read this blog often, you are DEFINITELY familiar with it. If you are NOT familiar with it, I suggest you visit Hulu right now and get to watchin’! I MEAN, IT IS ONLY LIFE-CHANGING PEOPLE.

So assuming you watch the show all the time like I do, you know who Maddie is: the adorable little nine year old super talented dancer kid who wins everything all the time and is the rockstar of her studio? Yes? Well. Maddie wears her hair in a fancy little up and over french braid that she—or rather, her Dance Mom (like the name of the show, GET IT?!) weaves into her ponytail.

Like so.

Now since I am super cool and watch reality programs on Lifetime for fun, I thought it would be SUPER fun to copy Maddie’s hair—yes, I am taking hairstyling tips from a nine year old and her mom, SUE ME—and wear it to Bikram. And I have been! And I love it! It gives me something fun to look at in the mirror besides the sweat dripping off my earlobes and the asymmetry of my eyebrows. Now I have a fancy FRENCH BRAID EMBELLISHED ponytail! Oooh la la! 

It’s gone over quite well. And apparently there is NOTHING more impressive to people than a girl who can braid her own hair. Everyone seems astonished that I do it myself. (Hey, I have to! I don’t have a Dance Mom to do it for me!) I’ve been asked to make a how-to video and post it on YouTube, but there is no way in god’s green earth I’m going to do that. Sorry guys, I just hate how I look on cam-e-ra (pronounced in three syllables with a Jenna Maroney from “30 Rock” accent).

And while I’m pretty good at doing my own brain when no one’s watching, I’m certain that if a camera were pointed at me I would get nervous and freeze up and not be able to do it and slowly lose my mind and you would find my dead lifeless body weeks later with a flip video mounted firmly in one hand and a can of Aqua Net in the death grip of the other. And really guys, I’m too young to die.

I kind of agreed to compete next year but it was totally an accident! So one day a couple of weeks ago I was in class, like normal, struggling to continue breathing, like normal. The teacher was being a little tougher with me than usual, but whatever, I kind of like that so it was all good.

We get to Wind Removing Pose, and I’m at the crisis point where I have to start reciting all the lyrics to “Cooling” in my head just to keep from having a panic attack, and the teacher comes over and stands right over my face and whispers something so loudly yet so unclearly that I can only respond with “WHAT”.

She repeats herself. I hear the following: “Yusshhucupppuppnxxxxtyrrrrr.”  I respond with a VERY convincing: “Ok…” You guys, I didn’t know what she was saying! And I was just a LITTLE busy at the time trying to pull my knee into my shoulder whilst still remaining conscious!

She walks away, apparently pleased with that answer. I assume maybe she’s said “You should think about training next year.” Like, you know, going to teacher training. I kind of shrug it off. But then I realize that’s not what she said at all. She actually said, “YOU SHOULD COMPETE NEXT YEAR.” And… OhSHIIIITTTT, what was my response? The very flat, very convincing “OKAY”.

OH. NO.

Well. I didn’t bring this up again. And neither did she. Until last weekend…

So I’m on my mat, getting ready for class, adjusting my towels and admiring my Maddie hair, and the teacher comes walking over with a friend of hers. She introduces me to the friend in the following way: “This is my student Alison, she has an amazing practice AND SHE’S GOING TO COMPETE NEXT YEAR!”

I didn’t correct her, unless you count stammering “Uhhhhhhh ummmmm errrrr,” as a correction, but I’m pretty sure the horrified look on my face said it all.

Anyway guys, I’m not REALLY planning to compete, I mean I can barely hit my Standing Head To Knee in class nevermind on a stage in front of people while WEARING A LEOTARD, good god NO! But I haven’t broken the news to my teacher yet. Eh, I’ve got a year to fix this situation… I can put it off for a while. And who knows, maybe I’ll change my mind. Or maybe hell will freeze over. You never know.

My cover got blown in class! I was in class one Saturday, just doing my thing—ahhh, which would be sweating, grunting, and muscling my way through the Standing Series—when the teacher suddenly turns to me and says in a SLIGHTLY amused way, “Alison, relax your forehead!”

I try to, not really thinking about it.

The teacher goes on, “I have a better internal dialogue with you now; I’VE READ YOUR BLOG!”

Ohhhhh snap! BUSTED!

My left hamstring is a jerk! Ugggggh you guys, being injured is the biggest crapfest EVER. And a hamstring injury is one of the worst! You don’t even realize how many things you use your hamstring for (HINT: EVERYTHING) until you can’t use it anymore!

See, I have this kind of perma-injury at the very top (the “semitendinosus”, far right in the very fancy graphic below) of my left hammy.

I got it in college when I was dancing all the time and running marathons. I initially pulled it in a dance class, no big deal. But being SUPER SMART, I never stopped to rest it and let it heal. Nope! I just kept on taking dance classes, and competing, and running 100 miles a week.

I MAKE SUCH MATURE DECISIONS! I AM AWESOME AT LIFE!

Well, needless to say, after about a week of that I had made it soooo much worse that one day while I was running it kind of popped and well, that was the end of that. I couldn’t run for FOUR MONTHS. Bummer. And still to this day, over 10 years later, my left hamstring is still so sensitive that it pulls if you look at it funny. UGH.

So last week someone must have looked at it funny, because WHOA it was giving me a HELL of a time. I mean, it was bad. BAD bad. Like, I was almost in tears in class BAD. Not as much from pain, although it hurt plenty, but more because it is SO FREAKING FRUSTRATING to be MODIFYING your practice when you really want to be IMPROVING your practice! And it was really at the point where my brain was starting to panic and I was getting all OMMIGOD IT HURTS SO MUCH AND IT’S BEEN INJURED SO LONG AND IT’S NEVER GOING TO HEAL AND I’M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO A SIT UP WITHOUT BENDING MY KNEES AND I’M GOING TO HAVE TO MODIFY FOREVER AND JESUS CHRIST I WOULD RATHER JUST BE DEAD THAN HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS STUPID HURTING INJURED DUMB HAMSTRING ANYMORE!

And then the world’s smallest violin started playing an angsty bit of Beethoven—you know, one of those pieces he wrote after he realized he was going deaf—and I wept bitter, bitter, salty tears.

But wait! This story actually has a silver lining—nay, a Happy Ending! My hamstring has finally started to heal and is feeling so much stronger! At least in part because…

I took this AMAZING ‘Flexibility And Contortion’ class at a pole dancing studio in Chelsea! Wait—WHAT?! Pole dancing?!

Yes, pole dancing. I am obsessed. But we’ll get to that another time. For now, the least you need to know is that the studio I go to—which happens to be run by a bunch of US and world champion pole dancers (NOT kidding)—doesn’t just have pole classes, they have tons of other aerial/acrobatic class offerings too. One of which was this “Flexibility & Contortion” one that I took last weekend.

I was a little nervous, given the severity of my hamstring situation and also the use of the word “contortion” in the title, but HOLY HELL you guys, it was freaking AWESOME! It was like all the good, fun parts of a yoga class, all smooshed together. It was NOT easy. Not at all. It was definitely WORK. But the awesome thing is that the teacher really focused on HOW to work, and how to work SAFELY. My hamstring actually felt STRONGER when I left than when I went in! WOW!

And the backbending segment of class? AWESOME. I had NO idea I could backbend like that, and it felt soooo good!

And then we worked on piking into handstands… which was… somewhat less successful for me. But you know, there were girls in there that were totally doing it! Granted, they were full on acrobats, but it made it seem attainable! Like it could actually be a realistic goal! And that was exciting.

Equally exciting? I’ve been applying the ideas in Bikram all week and my hamstring feels AWESOME. If you live in or near NYC you should totally try this class, at least once! Contact me, I’ll give you the info! And prepare to be AMAZED. Also, sore. You will be SO sore. But in a GOOD way.

I’m still not locking out my Standing Bow! I know this is hardly news. But I swear to jesus, I’m at least a millimeter closer than I was a month ago! And while that achievement may be almost imperceptibly small, I think it’s still something to celebrate.

NAMASTE, Y’ALL!

Class #113: Injury Report!

Thursday, April 21  6pm

Hey guys! So it’s been a minute since I talked about my hip pain/injury/whatever it is, and since this class was relatively uneventful, I’m gonna talk about it now! 

DISCLAIMER! I PROMISE NOT TO BORE YOU WITH DULL DETAILS LIKE NAMES OF MUSCLES AND BONES AND LOOOOONG MEDICAL WORDS THAT NO ONE CAN PRONOUNCE. It will mostly be “color commentary” (read: odd analogies and swearing), and maybe a bit or two of advice(!). You know, in case you ever find yourself in a similar situation and you think “Ohhh gawwwwd, what should I doooo??? NO ONE understands what’s happening to meeee!” Rest assured, I do.

Ok. So if you’ve been following along, you know that about one-third of the way through my 30 Day Challenge I encountered a physical obstacle in the form of a severely painful right hip. Ok, to be fair, the pain started about a month prior, but since I’M STRONG! and I CAN PUSH THROUGH PAIN! and NOTHING - NOT EVEN AVOIDANCE OF PAIN OR NORMAL COMMON SENSE - WILL STOP ME FROM ACHIEVING THE FULLEST EXPRESSION OF EVERY POSE!!! I just ignored it. BAD MOVE. It got worse and worse to the point where it hurt to sit, walk, get up off the toilet, etc.

After about a half hour of Googling and a few “Tell Us Where It Hurts, You Idiot!” quizzes on WebMD, I diagnosed myself (NOT recommended) with a hip flexor strain. Not a terrible injury, to be sure, but not the easiest to fix without taking a little time off. And really - TIME OFF? Do you even know who you’re talking to? Forget it! Not during the 30 Day Challenge, not NEVER!

So I kept going to class, and… Fast forward, fast forward, fast forward…

Hey - remember that movie called “Fast Forward”? About those crazy kids who moved to New York from Ohio (or something?) and just wanted to wear awful ’80s clothes and DANCE?

No? Sigh. Ok. NEVERMIND.

Fast forward, fast forward… Many advil, epsom salt baths, liberal applications of arnica gel, and about 30 classes later, and I’m proud to report that my hip is feeling SO MUCH BETTER!

HIP HIP HOORAY!

Ok, bad pun.

And though the advil, arnica, the ’hip alignment pillow’ I started sleeping with (per WebMD’s recommendation) have all helped, I think the BIGGEST thing that did it was a little tip I got from a dance teacher YEARS ago. I will share it with you now.

This is the MOST IMPORTANT PART of the whole post, you guys. If you’ve been skimming up til now, you should start paying attention RIGHT HERE!

When I was a dancer, I had major problems with my left hamstring. Although I was quite flexible, I was constantly pulling it. After struggling on and off with stretching it, resting it, icing it, etc. to no avail, one of my teachers taught me that often, when a muscle is pulled, it’s not because it isn’t flexible, but becuase it isn’t STRONG. Instead of just STRETCHING, what you need to do is STRENGTHEN both the injured/weak muscle and the opposing muscle group.

She taught me this in the most painful way possible: by having me lay on my back and stick my left (injured) leg up in the air while she pushed it back towards my face as hard as she could, and I, using my leg stregth, pushed BACK AGAINST HER.

Do I even need to tell you that this hurt like a MOTHER?

But miraculously, when she let go, and I wiped the tears out of my eyes, and I stood up and left the class, it started to feel better. AMAZING!!! Who knew?!?

I thought of this recently in relation to my injured hip flexor, and in the past week or so, I’ve been applying the same principal of “pushing against the stretch” in the Bikram poses that hurt. So in Wind Removing Pose, I pull my knee towards me as hard as I can, but I also think of pushing my shin into my hands as hard as I can too. It creates a weird sort of resistance where I’m actually stretching AND strengthening the muscle at the same time, and it’s amazing because IT WORKS! It works even better than when I was just “resting it” in the pose and basically doing nothing! WHAT? I KNOW.

Since I’ve been practicing this way, my hip has improved about a shmillion percent. I mean, it’s not perfect or anything, but it’s SO MUCH BETTER, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Now I’m not a doctor or anything, so take what I’m telling you with a grain of salt, but I’m JUST SAYING… if there’s a muscle that you’re constantly pulling or straining or overstretching in class, and you just can’t seem to figure out why or how to make it better, it MAY be worth your while to explore ways to STRENGTHEN it rather than just resting it…

Oh, and also? You should probably rent “Fast Forward”. 

JAZZ HANDS!!!!